Yacht club calling…
Tuesday 8th September 3pm
Ooh just got off the phone from Jemima and she has invited Benji and I to Mandaley this weekend. It’s her birthday and she is having a big party down at the yacht club, which is odd as Jemima really doesn’t do birthdays. I wonder if it’s a big one? Jemima keeps her date of birth a closely guarded secret even from me and Peta has always been fairly complicit in this as she too leads an ageless existence. Could it be her fiftieth? Jemima barely looks a day over forty and I know she was young when she had me. But that young? Hmmm, I’m not sure, either way this event calls for some serious retail therapy; the Marlow yacht club is very posh, and very snobby and I will just have to have a fabulous new outfit, especially as I am the daughter of the birthday girl and of course there is a gift to buy, fiftieth or no fiftieth if Jemima is throwing a party then she will be expecting gifts, wonderful gifts at that. In fact I’m not sure my own bank balance will stretch to all of this. I’ll have to sweet talk Benji into trusting me with his plastic. Not that he’ll take too much persuading to part with it, Benji is fairly generous and filthy rich. The perfect combination. Now, I think I’ll just call Jemima back, find out what she is wearing, I really wouldn’t want to clash. Not on her birthday.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Time flies
Saturday 5th September 8pm
Good Lord, I can’t believe it’s the 5th of September already. Time just seems to be flying by. Ana and Jonny have been so much more supportive since the dinner party. I mean I still catch them exchanging little looks every now and then but it’s better than it was before. Benji and I are still blissfully happy, it’s almost like we’ve never been apart. It’s odd because growing up, if I ever split up with a boyfriend and was trying to get back with him Jemima always used to say to me “an ex is an ex for a reason Rebecca. You need to look forward. Move on.” And I believed that, almost adopted it as my philosophy on life but now, well now being back with my ex is the best thing ever. We’ve been given a second chance and it’s fabulous. I feel invigorated. In loads of ways too. I’m exercising more (though not as much as Benji who has really thrown himself into his personal training regime), I’m taking more pride in my house (again not as much as Benji who seems to believe that cleanliness really is next to Godliness), and I’m even working more. Ana keeps giving me little extra features to write and I’m getting them back to her so quickly she is giving me more and more. It’s brilliant. Frantic but brilliant. It’s nice to be busy too because that way you only see the good in life. You don’t have time to dwell on the bad things. Like Fergus. And how badly I treated him. And how much I miss his friendship. How much I miss his laugh. God, how much I miss my Tiger. I really was so stupid and I don’t know what I can do to make it better. I don’t know if there is really anything I can do. Just give him time I guess. I wonder if he misses me? I wonder if maybe, just maybe, he’ll make the first move. If we don’t talk soon well, I don’t know what I’ll do. But I know I’ll be sad, really bloody sad. Thank God I’m so busy eh, no time to dwell on things.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Hotter than a Soho sauna
Saturday 29th August 11.50pm
Am exhausted but in a good way. Tonight was a total success. Well, as much of a success as I could have hoped for. The food was delicious (if I may say so myself), the wine was flowing, as was the conversation. Ana was a bit clipped to start off with but Benji soon softened her up by waxing lyrical about the wedding and Carlos and Benji got on like a house on fire, as if they already knew each other. In fact Carlos has offered to be Benji’s personal trainer (not that Benji really needs one because he’s really rather fit anyway) and I was thinking of joining them, though Carlos thinks It’ll be the “wrong kind of training for my needs”, whatever that means. I think it’ll be good though, for Benji to befriend my friends, and Carlos and he are weirdly similar. For example it got really stuffy in the flat what with six adults, lots of cooking and gallons of red wine so I exclaimed “Oooh it’s hotter than a Soho sauna in here”, to which Benji and Carlos responded, in unison, “there aren’t any saunas in Soho.” Funny no? Well I thought it was, kind of. Ana raised her eyebrow at me and Jonny looked a little awkward but I think they were just cracking a joke. It’s nice. All friends together. And besides we all know that Benji used to be gay, so what harm does the occasional gay comment make hey? I’m secure enough in our love for each other that I can take it. And we really do love each other. Really we do.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Plan plan plan
Friday 28th August 3pm
I’m all ready for tomorrow night now. Benji and I (mainly Benji if I’m honest) cleaned the flat from top to toe last night so it is looking immaculate. I am making my fail safe spaghetti bolognaise and have got some gorgeous roasted garlic bread to have with it and Benji has bought a good few bottles of not inexpensive rioja. I’m kind of nervous; I think Benji is too, it’s like meeting the parents for the first time. But worse. Kind of like standing before the firing squad if I’m honest, but it will be fine, I know it will. Benji and I are so madly in love and everyone will be able to see that and that will be all that matters. Well at least I hope so.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Party cures all…
Tuesday 25th August 4pm
I’ve been feeling a bit down in the dumps since Fergus’ outburst on Sunday. He was really bloody hurtful. Saying I’ll never know real love, what does he know? He’s just bitter because I didn’t choose him. I guess I should be flattered really; he must have cared for me a lot to get that vitriolic. Anyway I’m not going to let him spoil things. I am in love, real love. Benji and I are soul mates and we are back together and it’s about time everyone just bloody well accepted that and let us be. So I’ve decided to throw a dinner party. Nothing too flash, home cooked food, here on Saturday night with me and Benji, Ana and Postroom Pete and Jonny and Carlos, so they can all see how in love we are and how this was absolutely the right decision.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Unwanted opinions
Saturday 22nd August 7pm
I don’t know why I felt that Fergus deserved anything. He is mean, mean and rude. Benji had to go in the office today so I was left kicking my heels at home. I’d pretty much spent the last few days avoiding Fergus, but when I saw him walking up the street with Tiger I decided it was the perfect time to go and face him. As I stepped out of the front door Tiger nearly knocked me flying as she bounded up to me and flung her arms around me. “Rebecca! Can I come and play at yours? I’ve got lots to tell you, I’ve been at my grandma’s and she’s been poorly and then we had to help her move and oh please can I come to yours?” “Not now Niamh, upstairs, you need to unpack your bags” “Ah but Daddy.” “But Daddy nothing, up you go. You can see Rebecca another time.” I kissed Tiger on the top of her head and whispered “Do as your daddy tells you” and then watched her trot sulkily upstairs leaving Fergus and I on the doorstep. “So, your mum, is she ok? You found somewhere for her?” “Don’t pretend like you care Rebecca.” “I do care…I… I’m sorry…” “What are you sorry for? Sorry that you are spoilt? Sorry that you behave like a petulant child? Sorry that I had to leave my sister to look for my mothers’ nursing home to rush back to you just to find that you’d shacked up with someone else?” “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I love him Fergus.” “Catch yourself on Rebecca. You don’t love him. You don’t know anything of love, not real love. You love the drama, the fairy tale. You are fecking impossible to please because you don’t live in the real world you live in the movies, in the romantic books that you read. And I’m glad you went off with your man, because I could never have lived up to this Prince Charming ideal you have. I’d have only disappointed. So good luck to you Rebecca. I hope you’ve found your happy ever after.” And then he went. Flounced up the stairs leaving me a little shell-shocked by the front door. Impossible? Me? Humph…the man is crazy. I’m better off without him.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Benji and Paris and fuck…
Wednesday 19th August 3pm
Today was the day I could hide no longer. Almost the second Benji had left for work my buzzer was being pressed impatiently. It was only Ana who managed to get it to make that sound; with everyone else it sounds like a polite “could you possibly let me in?” buzz, yet with Ana it sounded like an angry, impatient “come and fucking answer me now” kind of buzz. That and the fact that she always rang it repeatedly in short, sharp buzzes. I wearily flipped my legs out of bed, stretched sleepily and padded to the front door, wrapping my kimono around me as I did. I opened the door to find a tanned and beautiful, yet unmistakably angry looking Ana and I mildly apologetic looking Jonny, thankfully holding a tray of coffees.
“Where the hell have you been? Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your phone? How the hell did you get back with Benji? And why has he just left here? Is he living here? Are you actually insane?”
I looked at Jonny, my bleary eyes pleading for help.
“Coffee babe?” He handed me the steaming cup and kissed my forehead “Now, let’s go inside and talk.”
And we did, for what felt like hours. I say we did, Ana did to be honest. And I say talked but it was more like ranting. Ranting about how stupid and selfish I’ve been, how Benji is not, never was, and never will be the right man for me and how I am too easily turned by elaborate, empty gestures. Just as I thought she was finished she got onto Fergus.
“You do know why Fergus went to Ireland don’t you?”
“To get away from me apparently.”
“Don’t be so fucking stupid Bex, as if he would do that. His mum had a stroke. A pretty bad one too. His sister is still there with Niamh trying to get her moved to a nursing home.”
“But Alex said…”
“Alex was lying. Fergus had lost his mobile phone; he didn’t have your number. He asked Alex to call you, to explain and give you the number to his mum’s house. But she didn’t, she lied and now he’s sacked her.”
“He’s sacked her? She lied? Then… hang on, you mean he did like me?”
“Yes he bloody liked you, he was crazy about you. He only came back early because he suspected something was up and he wanted to sort it out. He left his sick mother, and his daughter to come and see you and he got back to find…”
“Me with Benji. Oh fuck.”
“Oh fuck indeed. He’s devastated Bex.”
“But…but…I didn’t know…”
“I did tell you to hold fire ’til you’d spoken to him doll.”
“I know…but Benji…and Paris… and fuck.”
And fuck indeed. I feel terrible. I thought that Fergus wasn’t interested, that was the only reason that I got back with Benji. If I’d have known the facts then it might have been different; but I’ve made my decision now, I’m with Benji, and like I told Ana and Jonny, I love him, honestly I do and perhaps this whole Fergus misunderstanding thing happened for a reason, because I was meant to get back with Benji. Perhaps this was Mother Earth and Cousin Cosmos’ way of trying to get Benji and I back together. It’s just a shame that Fergus had to get hurt; though he’s not entirely blameless, I mean who loses their mobile phone? I mean seriously? That’s just stupid. So part of it is his fault really. His own stupid fault. Urgh, there is something sticking into me under this cushion… it’s really bloody annoying…I’ll just try and reach it…Got it! Oh. It’s Fergus’ phone. Damnit.
6pm
I waited until I knew he was out and then I put Fergus’ phone through his letterbox with a note attached saying “I’m so sorry. I hope your mum is ok. Rebecca”; not much of an apology eh? I really will speak to him soon. Apologise properly. I think he deserves that.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Decision time
Monday 17th August 4pm
Had a super lazy day today. The sun was shining so I took a blanket outside and lazed in the garden. Benji is back at work now so I have had the day to myself which has actually been really nice. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Benji, really I do but I’d forgotten some of the irritating things he does like slurping his tea and clicking his tongue a lot. I also forgot how anal he was (perhaps not the best choice of words given recent events) about tidying and stuff; he’s only been here a few days and yet my CD’s are alphabetised, my bookshelves categorised and my kitchen cupboards reorganised. It’s a bit annoying. I guess I just need to adapt again to having him back. I mean it’s all happened so fast that my feet have barely touched the ground. Yeah that’s all it is. This was definitely the right choice. Definitely. Now I just have to convince Jonny and Ana.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Hiding
Sunday 16th August 8pm
All I seem to have done today is hide. Had to hide the fact I had been crying from Benji first thing, insisting that my eyes were puffy due to a lack of sleep. Then I was trying to hide from Fergus as he seemed to spend much of the morning going in and out of the flat meaning I had to strategically plan my sojourns into the hallway. Then I was screening my calls from Ana and Jonny but also trying to hide the fact that I was screening them from Benji as I didn’t want him to know that my friends weren’t 100% behind us being back together. In the end I decided the easiest thing to do was to switch my phone off and leave the flat so we went shopping in Brent Cross (I got spoilt rotten, though we mainly bought lingerie so I guess we were both spoiled), then we went and had Sunday lunch in this wonderful pub near Golders Green which is always full of dinkies and celebrities and then wandered up to the Heath for a balmy evening walk. Though I am now hiding again as Benji doesn’t know I keep a diary and I’m not entirely sure he’d approve. Nor would I want him to be tempted to read it as that could just be dangerous. So I’m scrawling in it quickly whilst I have a bath and Benji is cooking some supper. Other than all of the espionage (which is surprisingly exhausting) I am so happy though. Really happy. And almost ready to face my friends. Almost.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Fergus the burgler
Saturday 15th August 1am
I’m perched on the toilet again writing this, whilst Benji is sleeping next door. I think Fergus is back. Well, I say think he’s back; he is back. Either that or there are burglars because I can definitely hear someone banging about up there. Hang on, I have his keys…how did he get in? Shit, it must actually be burglars. Fuck. I’ll call the police. No, I’ll wake Benji….
10am
Well it wasn’t burglars in the flat, it seems my instinct was correct (as is so often the case) it was Fergus. He was trying to get into his flat without the keys, because he apparently didn’t want to wake me (didn’t want to face me more like). He got the front door open (worryingly…I must speak to Peta about changing the locks) but was struggling with the door into his flat. As Fergus clattered about fumbling with the door I woke Benji and told him about the intruders upstairs at which point he leapt out of bed (naked) and bounded up the stairs to confront them (still naked but immensely brave); I was kind of lingering in the doorway to my flat in my kimono and soon became a little concerned by the lack of noise from upstairs (I mean, I expected to hear a kerfuffle, what kind of intruder is interrupted without a bit of a kerfuffle?) so I tentatively made my way up the stairs calling out.
“Benji baby? Is everything ok?”
I made it to the top of the stairs to see Fergus looking ashen faced staring at (the still naked but frantically trying to cover himself) Benji and then looking back at me.
“Fergus…. I….”
“Rebecca. I lost my keys somewhere. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“I found them. They, erm, they’re in my flat… I’ll get them.”
“No, no, I will…”
Benji bolted down the stairs pleased at the opportunity to leave; leaving Fergus and I looking at each other slightly awkwardly.
“Why didn’t you call?”
“Why didn’t you call?”
We were speaking at the exact same time.
“I did. Voice mail”
“I couldn’t, lost my phone…didn’t have your number.”
Pffft lost his phone likely story.
“Well if you’d lost your phone how was I supposed to call you?”
Stupid man
“At my mum’s house, I gave you the number…”
He so did not.
“How? Clairvoyantly?! I didn’t know where you were or what the fuck was going on.”
Take that.
“That’s not true… Alex told you…”
What an arsehole.
“Oh yeah, Alex told me alright…you often get your PA’s to dump your girlfriends do you? Part of her job description?”
Along with fucking her I should have said.
“What are you talking about?”
He’s UNBELIEVABLE.
“What am I talking about? What am I talking about?! I’m talking about you. You. And your rudeness, and your arrogance, and your pigheaded bloody mindedness. I was right about you in the beginning, Fergus Keyes. You are a vile, obnoxious, and rude man, and I can’t believe I ever thought you could be anything else.”
Ha!
“What?!”
At this point Benji returned (thankfully dressed now) and handed Fergus the keys before putting his arm protectively around me.
“Come on babe, let’s go back to bed.”
“Goodnight Fergus.”
And so I walked back down stairs leaving Fergus speechless on the doorstep. Well, what did he expect? Tears? Drama? Me begging him to take me back? Pah. I don’t need him; I meant every word I said. I hate him. In fact I hate him so much that once I was sure Benji was fast asleep again I cried a little. Silent tears of hate. Fergus bloody Keyes, to think I ever thought he could have been the right man for me.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
