Benji and Paris and fuck…
Wednesday 19th August 3pm
Today was the day I could hide no longer. Almost the second Benji had left for work my buzzer was being pressed impatiently. It was only Ana who managed to get it to make that sound; with everyone else it sounds like a polite “could you possibly let me in?” buzz, yet with Ana it sounded like an angry, impatient “come and fucking answer me now” kind of buzz. That and the fact that she always rang it repeatedly in short, sharp buzzes. I wearily flipped my legs out of bed, stretched sleepily and padded to the front door, wrapping my kimono around me as I did. I opened the door to find a tanned and beautiful, yet unmistakably angry looking Ana and I mildly apologetic looking Jonny, thankfully holding a tray of coffees.
“Where the hell have you been? Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your phone? How the hell did you get back with Benji? And why has he just left here? Is he living here? Are you actually insane?”
I looked at Jonny, my bleary eyes pleading for help.
“Coffee babe?” He handed me the steaming cup and kissed my forehead “Now, let’s go inside and talk.”
And we did, for what felt like hours. I say we did, Ana did to be honest. And I say talked but it was more like ranting. Ranting about how stupid and selfish I’ve been, how Benji is not, never was, and never will be the right man for me and how I am too easily turned by elaborate, empty gestures. Just as I thought she was finished she got onto Fergus.
“You do know why Fergus went to Ireland don’t you?”
“To get away from me apparently.”
“Don’t be so fucking stupid Bex, as if he would do that. His mum had a stroke. A pretty bad one too. His sister is still there with Niamh trying to get her moved to a nursing home.”
“But Alex said…”
“Alex was lying. Fergus had lost his mobile phone; he didn’t have your number. He asked Alex to call you, to explain and give you the number to his mum’s house. But she didn’t, she lied and now he’s sacked her.”
“He’s sacked her? She lied? Then… hang on, you mean he did like me?”
“Yes he bloody liked you, he was crazy about you. He only came back early because he suspected something was up and he wanted to sort it out. He left his sick mother, and his daughter to come and see you and he got back to find…”
“Me with Benji. Oh fuck.”
“Oh fuck indeed. He’s devastated Bex.”
“But…but…I didn’t know…”
“I did tell you to hold fire ’til you’d spoken to him doll.”
“I know…but Benji…and Paris… and fuck.”
And fuck indeed. I feel terrible. I thought that Fergus wasn’t interested, that was the only reason that I got back with Benji. If I’d have known the facts then it might have been different; but I’ve made my decision now, I’m with Benji, and like I told Ana and Jonny, I love him, honestly I do and perhaps this whole Fergus misunderstanding thing happened for a reason, because I was meant to get back with Benji. Perhaps this was Mother Earth and Cousin Cosmos’ way of trying to get Benji and I back together. It’s just a shame that Fergus had to get hurt; though he’s not entirely blameless, I mean who loses their mobile phone? I mean seriously? That’s just stupid. So part of it is his fault really. His own stupid fault. Urgh, there is something sticking into me under this cushion… it’s really bloody annoying…I’ll just try and reach it…Got it! Oh. It’s Fergus’ phone. Damnit.
6pm
I waited until I knew he was out and then I put Fergus’ phone through his letterbox with a note attached saying “I’m so sorry. I hope your mum is ok. Rebecca”; not much of an apology eh? I really will speak to him soon. Apologise properly. I think he deserves that.
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